I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
