I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
