Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
