I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
