I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
