then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
