Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
