Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
