Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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