ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
