I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
