I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
