My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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