This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
