and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize