My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
