I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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