Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
