i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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