Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
