That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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