Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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