Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
