nut hugger
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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