I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
