theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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