oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
