Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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