Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
