Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
