He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
