dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
