Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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