On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
