Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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