saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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