so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
