Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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