so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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