I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
