ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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