DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
