Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
