she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
