i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
