I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
