summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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