Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
