So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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