3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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