Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
