Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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