no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
