Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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