I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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