I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
