I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We had sex on a dog bed..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
