Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
