At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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