good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
