Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
