and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
