That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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