Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
