yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i barfeds in our rink
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
