In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
