i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she told me i tasted like america
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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