i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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