i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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