life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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