rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
