so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Mom said you looked used
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
