So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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