i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
