no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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