wake up i wanna do it froggy style
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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