Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
