thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I AM VODKA MAN
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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