I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Randomize
