I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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