we're chasing vodka with high fives
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
