It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
