hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
