I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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