either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
