from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
